Sunday, November 10, 2019

Everything's Right

It is a warm and sunny Sunday afternoon in November and I'm trying to deny that I am sick. This is the sort of Sunday you dream about and I should be out running mountains and basking in the sunshine but instead, I'm pulled into a parking spot at the Ranger Station and am just waking up from an unexpected nap. Ladybugs cover my truck windows and I watch through my dreary eyes as they do their ladybug crawl. After Cloudsplitter there is nothing left to train for, at least not for now, so I am content to watch the ladybugs. But I still feel like a junkie in search of an angry fix. I was first going to chase that dragon by heading to Panthertown for a 13 miler but then changed course for the Fish Hatchery and my Cedar Rock Loop, and then again for Pink Beds. And now here I sit at the Ranger Station. Definitely not sick. Just a cold. Better than shingles, cancer, death or any number of other ailments. Running can wait for another weekend.

As the leaves fall and the ladybugs do their ladybug thing, I think about all the times I have been sitting right here and all that has been and all that will ever be. I wonder where I will go from here. Change is in the air and tomorrow begins a new chapter in my life. I don't know what I am going for but know that I am going for it, for sure. I won't spend this winter freezing, at least not outside. I think about Whitman and Thoreau and Eliot with his dried tubers and know that I will be okay. My eye and my mind return to the ladybugs. Is this is for them? One last hurrah? Or are they only beginning? Where do they go from here? As for myself, I am going to take it one step at a time, right foot, left foot, when I get to the bottom I go back to the top, through pain and suffering, beauty and wonder. I don't know what I am going for, but know that I am going for it, for sure. For now, it is Andy Cove and Exercise Trail, we'll see what tomorrow may bring.


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